Sam of the scarfs cowritten with Diva
by Natta
Summary: How could everybody be so sure Sam went with Frodo at the breaking of the fellowship? A mad, absolutely crazy story by Natta and Diva.
1. Sam?

Sam of the Scarfs  
  
By: Diva and Natta  
  
A/N We were talking about why everyone is so sure that Sam went with Frodo, he didn't actually tell them so, did he? So we decided to make a story of it...here it is!  
  
'The eagles! The eagles are coming,' said Legolas and Gimli turned his head and saw that his friend was right. On the leader sat Gandalf, and in front of him sat Frodo, who was unconscious. All the hobbits in The shire stood and cheered for Frodo, Gandalf and Sam. At the very front stood the old gaffer, Hamfast Gamgee, and welcomed his son home! While Bilbo woke Frodo up, The Gaffer ran around and lifted all the eagles to look if Sam was underneath them.  
  
'Now we shall have a party,' Frodo said. Everybody ran toward the party- place. Aragorn leaned down to face Frodo.  
  
'What happened to Sam? Did he die on the way there?' Everybody stopped, and wondered who would ask such a pointless question. Frodo frowned and looked at Aragorn.  
  
'What do you mean, *Sam*?' 


	2. Gandalf gets a job

Sam of the Scarfs  
  
By: Diva and Natta  
  
'Well, I mean Sam went with you, didn't he?'  
  
'No, I went away all by myself, you knew that! Why do you think Sam went with me?'  
  
'Oh, I don't know. Just felt like I was meant to think so...but I never really liked him anyway.' Everyone agreed, except for The Gaffer, who was to busy trying to ask the eagles if they had seen Sam, and then rolling stones from the ditch to see if Sam was there. Everyone looked at him and then Frodo turned to Gandalf.  
  
'We mustn't let him know, it would be the end of him. Any ideas?' Everyone mumbled for a while, until Merry and Pippin spoke up.  
  
'We know! Let's make a Sam doll, someone can walk behind him, carry him and be his voice.'  
  
'It's not funny, this is serious, you foolish hobbits' said Bilbo, but stopped when he saw all the other hobbits faces. A positive mumble could be heard and everyone got to work. After a while it was finished, it looked a little strange but they were satisfied with it. Now it was time for Sam's voice. Frodo started an audition. When he got there in the morning, he expected a lot of eager hobbit's to stand outside. He was surprised to find only one person. Gandalf.  
  
'Hello Gandalf, please come in.' The wizard looked a little confused but stepped in with Frodo. Frodo turned to Gandalf with a professional look on his face.  
  
'Okay, Gandalf will you say something now, something that Sam used to say.'  
  
'Oh yes. Sam was a fine hobbit. I remember him saying: "Oh Mr. Gandalf I will always follow Mr. Frodo until the day I get a job with a better salary.' Gandalf paused. 'It sounded nice when he said it, though.' Frodo looked confused, but soon his face lit up.  
  
'You were great Gandalf! You get the job!'  
  
'Job? What job? Merry and Pippin told me this was Sam's memorial service!'  
  
'Oh, they were probably just tricking you into coming here. You get the job anyway.' Outside they heard two well-known laughter's and the sound of running hobbitfeet. 'Well, it's probably for a good thing,' Gandalf thought.  
  
Frodo led Gandalf out and showed him a small box.  
  
'Get in there!'  
  
'What, why should I get in there?'  
  
'Well, you got the job as Sam's voice. You have to get in there. Someone, like Bilbo for example, will push you around along with the resembling picture of Sam. Gandalf shrugged his shoulders and got in the box. It was very narrow, since the box was supposed not to be visible behind "Sam".  
  
Bilbo was relaxing in his garden, watching the birds and smoking his pipe, when he saw Frodo coming, pushing a box on wheels in front of him. He thought it was memories from Sam and rose with something mournful in his eyes. Frodo smiled.  
  
'Hello Bilbo! Here's Sam's voice!'  
  
'What???'  
  
'It's me,' came from within the box.  
  
'What? How...how...how could you find Sam's voice???' Frodo looked happy.  
  
'So you think he's very good too! You look scared. You're right, he's so good it's scary!'  
  
'It's me Bilbo. Gandalf, in the box. Don't be shocked, I thought it was strange too at first, but I'm starting to like it! And now it's going to be fun, we will be together all the time!'  
  
'Gandalf??? How did they get you to...oh never mind. What do you mean we will be together all the time?' A laughter came from within the box.  
  
'Well, you didn't think I could push around the box myself, did you?' Bilbo got more and more confused.  
  
'But if I'm going to walk behind your "Sam" all the time, then why can't Gandalf walk behind him instead, what's the difference?' Frodo looked confused.  
  
'But that would look stupid! I mean, wouldn't it be suspicious if Gandalf walked behind Sam *all the time*?'  
  
'It would look just as stupid if I did!'  
  
'But you're pushing the box with Gandalf. That's not strange, you have a reason to go there!' Bilbo decided driving the stupid box would be easier than to try to reason with his nephew, so he took the box, the picture of Sam, and started to walk down the street. 


	3. Poor Bilbo!

Sam of the Scarfs  
  
By: Diva and Natta  
  
'Mr Frodo Mr Frodo  
  
Mr Frodo is so great  
  
I love gardening and planting flowers for Mr Frodo  
  
Mr Frodo is the best  
  
He gives me everything I want,' could be heard from Gandalf's box.  
  
'You need to put some more emotion in it,' called Frodo.  
  
'I can't be as emotional about it as Sam, I'm not in love with you!'  
  
'I've just realised we have a problem,' said Gimli.  
  
'What?'  
  
'Well, since Gandalf is in the box, he can't do all Sam's chores, such as gardening and licking clean Frodo's feet. Who shall do them?' Everyone looked at Bilbo.  
  
'Look, Bilbo, everyone has to make sacrifices,' said Frodo.  
  
'What?!? What sacrifices are you making?'  
  
'Well, I, I, I decide about who should do what work. It's a tough job! Here, I've made up a list on what Sam should do everyday. He handed the list to Bilbo.  
  
4.30 p.m. Get up and run to work.  
  
5.00 p.m. Start making breakfast of luxury for Frodo.  
  
6.00 p.m. Spread flowers around Frodo's beautiful feet. Clean the house.  
  
7.00 p.m. Wake Frodo up and feed him breakfast.  
  
8.00 p.m. Make a second breakfast of luxury for Frodo and get everything Frodo wants for him at the same time.  
  
9.00 p.m. Feed Frodo second breakfast.  
  
10.00 p.m. Carry Frodo out for a walk at the same time as making elevensies of luxury for Frodo.  
  
11.00 p.m. Feed Frodo elevensies.  
  
12.00 Make lunch of luxury for Frodo at the same time as taking care of Frodo's economical problems.  
  
1.00 a.m. Feed Frodo lunch.  
  
2.00 a.m. Make afternoon tea at the same time as inviting a lot of Frodo's friends who all wants different kinds of tea.  
  
3.00 a.m. Feed Frodo and all his friends afternoon tea.  
  
4.00 a.m. Make dinner of luxury for Frodo at the same time as massaging his sore and beautiful back.  
  
5.00 a.m. Feed Frodo dinner.  
  
6.00 a.m. Make a supper of luxury at the same time as massaging Frodo and all his friends.  
  
7.00 a.m. Feed Frodo supper.  
  
8.00 a.m. Entertain Frodo so he does not get bored.  
  
9.00 a.m. Tuck Frodo in for night. Massage and feed him and clean until he's asleep.  
  
10.00 a.m. Practice during night so you don't do any mistakes in the day.  
  
4.00 p.m. Sleep on the floor.  
  
'I thought Sam was a gardener, there's not a single thing about gardening here!' Bilbo exclaimed.  
  
'Well, there was something about flowers...besides, when did you become some kind of an expert on gardening?!?' Frodo started to walk away but turned around.  
  
'What's the time, by the way?'  
  
'It's one o'clock, then Bilbo, I mean Sam is supposed to...what was it?' said Legolas.  
  
'Well Sam, where's my lunch?' Bilbo sighed and went inside to make lunch.  
  
'Bilbo, you forgot something!' Frodo pointed to the picture of Sam and the box with Gandalf. Bilbo looked at it. Why did he ever leave Rivendell?  
  
~ To be continued... ~ 


	4. In comes the judge!

Sam of the scarfs  
  
By; Natta and Diva  
  
After three weeks Bilbo was very, very tired. Gandalf on the other hand was not, since he slept during Bilbo's work, claiming that Sam was quiet.  
  
'I can't see why you're complaining, it's for a good thing,' said Gandalf.  
  
'What good thing? Frodo being spoiled and happy?'  
  
'No of course not, for Sam's father to think he's alive and well!'  
  
'But what good does all this do for Sam's father,' said Bilbo and pointed to the huge piles of delicious food that he had just made for Frodo.  
  
'Oh, I don't know, but it's nice singing about,' said Gandalf. 'Maybe today we could go see the old Gaffer, like Sam I mean.'  
  
'Oh yea, okay, maybe it'll end all this constant jobs. It's time for Elevensies now, maybe, just maybe Frodo could use his own hands to eat.' Frodo was now very fat, since he didn't move at all, but ate all the time.  
  
They walked toward the Gamgee's home, or rather Bilbo walked and Gandalf sat in his little box and sang a few songs from the elves, but his own versions, such as:  
  
Gil-Galad was king of rock-n'roll  
  
Of him the bass sang with admiration  
  
His star faded with great grief  
  
In a motor-bike accident, he was high and drunk.  
  
Bilbo tried to block out the songs, he had already been listening to them for three weeks. Suddenly, they saw the old Gaffer who looked confused.  
  
'Hello Bilbo, why are you carrying around a large piece of paper that say's SAM with large letter's, and a neon-coulored box?'  
  
'Oh daddy, it's really me, I might look slightly changed, but it's still me. Don't you recognize your own son when you see him?' tried Gandalf.  
  
'Is this some kind of a joke? It's not funny! Who said that, by the way?'  
  
'Oh, it's me, Sam! I'm in the box!'  
  
'Oh, Sam is it really you? Why are you in the box?' The Gaffer moved towards the box, ready to welcome his son, but had a change of heart when he saw a large pointy wizard-hat on the box.  
  
'Well, it didn't fit inside,' mumbled Gandalf. The Gaffer just sadly shook his head and continued to work in his garden. Suddenly they saw Aragorn behind them. he rushed forward to comfort the Gaffer, aware of what had happened.  
  
'Don't worry my friend, Sam is simply...lost, but we know where he is!'  
  
'Oh, that's great! I have an idea, you can go all nine of you who left before. Oh right, Sam's not here and that guy Boromir is dead.'  
  
'Oh, don't worry, we lost Gandalf in Moria, so we were only eight for quite a time. But we're only seven now, that's a problem.'  
  
'Oh, don't worry, you've got Bilbo! He'll love to go with you!'  
  
'Yes, Bilbo of course.'  
  
Bilbo just stared at them. Why him of course? The world had really turned against him.  
  
'What the hell did you say that for?' mumbled Gandalf to Aragorn when they went to find the others. Aragorn just shrugged his shoulders.  
  
'I like adventures! Come on, let's tell the others!' 


	5. Arwie in Drydell, or the great journey b...

The mountains was still and quiet. Suddenly, a curly head appered. Then another one. Figures came out in the open. First came three young, (well Frodo actually looks young because of the ring) healthy hobbits. Then came the king of Gondor, tall and strong. Then an elf who was lithe and quick, then a dwarf, muscular and strong. Then came an old, skinny, exhausted hobbit with reumatism who was dragging along a box.  
  
'Gandalf, way can't you walk on your own, you don't have too be in that box anymore.'  
  
'Well, I've actually noticed it's quite comfortable in here!'  
  
'it's not for me!'  
  
'Oh, never mind that, just keep going. The road goes on and on...' Bilbo kept dragging the box.'  
  
'Look, we're near Rivendell!' said Pippin. They saw the beutifult trees, the the glorious building, they saw Glorfindel... rapping to Eminem's new record? And where was the waterfalls? Glorfindel saw them and approached them.  
  
'Yo man, whazzup?' Everyone looked confused.  
  
' Oh ye, Welcome to Drydell!'  
  
'Isn't it Rivendell?' said Bilbo.  
  
'No, we're out of water, kinda The plumber hasn't arrived yet, but'll be here soon.'  
  
'Where is my belored?' asked Aragorn.  
  
'Oh yeah, Arwie is coming right therd.' Arwen approached them with pink hair and hippie-clothes!  
  
'Oh right, I forgot to break up with you. This is my new boyfriend,' she said and pointed behind her. Aragorn looked devastated while the others looked behind her, confused. All they could see was a pony. After a while, they gave up.  
  
'Where is he,' said Legolas who had changed his name to Lollipop. Arwen looked confused at him.  
  
'It's Bill of course,' she said and kissed the pony. Merry and Pippin was disgusted and hid behind Aragorn, which didn't help much since he threw up.  
  
'Love is beauiful indeed,' hey heard a small sob from Gandalf's box. He was deeply touched.  
  
'Can i be the best man on your wedding,' said Lollipop.  
  
'No,' said Arwen, 'we don't intend to marry at all. Besides, Kermit the frog is being best man.'  
  
'Bridesmaid then?' said Lollipop.  
  
'No! I said we won't marry! Besides, miss Piggy is bridesmaid.' Suddenly, a nazgul showed up. The "fellowship" gasped and grabbed their swords. However, Arwen looked perfectly calm and Glorfindel stepped up to him and shooked hands.  
  
'Hello, you're very welcome.' Bilbo cried out,  
  
'What? It's a nazgul for heavens sake!' The nazgul looked at him with a hurt expression on his face.  
  
'Hey, everyone deserves a second chance! I couldn't be a nazgul anymore after Sauron fell, so I needed a new profession.'  
  
The fellowship was shown to some rooms, covered in posters from X-men 2 but they had a good night sleep anyway.  
  
TBC... 


End file.
